


Worth

by LittleTurtle95



Series: “Lost Book of the White” Countdown Event [1]
Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Bad Parent Valentine Morgenstern, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Heart-to-Heart, Insecure Jace Wayland, Parabatai Feels, Protective Alec Lightwood, Soft Alec Lightwood, Soft Jace Wayland, Spoilers for Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy: Born to Endless Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26043415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTurtle95/pseuds/LittleTurtle95
Summary: Lost Book of the White countdown event.Day one: bromance.Alec has had a son for a few days, Magnus is working full time at the Academy, his family is always there to give him advice or trying and failing to be helpful and the last time he slept for more than twenty minutes straight was forty seven hours earlier.It's the middle of the night and Max is finally asleep. Alec thinks he probably should join him, because he knows it's not going to last, but Jace has been sad the whole day and the choice is so easy he doesn't even have to make it, he had the answer from the start. He goes out looking for him without a second thought.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland
Series: “Lost Book of the White” Countdown Event [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890529
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	Worth

**Author's Note:**

> @magnus-the-maqnificent had started this nice event to wait together for the Lost Book of the White release and I wanted to jump in, so here I am 🥰
> 
> The first day theme is “bromance” and I can’t resist to a bit of parabatai love, I know you can't blame me.

It was middle of the night and Max was finally asleep. Alec thought he should have probably joined him, he knew it wasn’t going to last, but Jace had been sad the whole day and he didn’t even have to ask himself what he was going to do, he already knew the answer from the start. So he went out looking for him without a second thought.

He didn’t have to look for him for long, he didn’t have to look for him at all. As soon as he left his and Magnus’ baby proofed loft he spotted his brother a few feet away, looking out of the window, the moonlight giving a milky halo to his golden curls.

“Okay, enough now. What the hell is going on in that little useless head of yours?”

Jace didn’t answer but didn’t flinch, either, like he already knew Alec would have come. Just nothing.

No  _ I have the best head you could ever wish for,  _ no  _ I was thinking about how beautiful I am,  _ no  _ it could be useless but at least it’s a pretty attractive head, you’ll have to admit. _

Alec’s voice softened. “Jace? What is it?” 

His brother shrugged silently, he could see only his back, the line of his shoulders and his messy hair.

“You’ve been kinda odd and absent the whole day. Something’s troubling you.”

“I’ve just been thinking.”

“Oh, you do that now? That’s new.”

Jace snorted, Alec counted it as an improvement. He wasn’t comfortable talking about feelings, but if something was bothering Jace  _ that  _ much he was going to dig deep into it and obliterate whatever it was without a second thought. 

“Spill it, Herondale. We don’t have all day, Max is going to wake up soon and it’s my turn tonight, Magnus is trying to sleep.  _ You  _ should try to sleep, everyone is gone now. What are you doing up this late?”

A few days earlier they had found Max and the whole Lightwood family had showed up at the Academy to help Alec and Magnus settle down with the child. It had been messy, even awkward at times, but Alec had loved it. He loved that his family cared about them even if Magnus and Max weren’t what they had always wanted for him.

They had all stayed at the Academy for a few days after that, to show them some support and help him, since Magnus was there to work and didn’t have much free time.

“I can’t tell you what I am thinking about,” Jace whispered, so faint Alec almost didn’t hear it.

“Because you’re being angsty and mysterious?” 

“Because you’re going to hate me if I do.”

Alec stood still for a moment, blinking slowly, digesting the words. “Did you do something to Magnus?” he asked. “Did you do something to Max?”

_ “What?”  _ Jace asked, high pitched voice and brows furrowed, finally turning and looking back at him. “No!”

“We’re fine, then,” said Alec, trying to get past all his anxieties and brushing a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“It’s something that will hurt  _ you.” _

“You’d never hurt me on purpose, and even if you did, I wouldn’t hate you anyway. What is it, Jace?”

Jace looked scared, like the first time they met, like when he and Izzy had caught him alone in their kitchen trying to heal his battle scars in silence and he had looked like a deer in headlights.

“I should be more happy for you, and I am, trust me, but mostly I’m… bitter.”

Alec tilted his head on the side. “Bitter?”

“It’s stupid.”

Alec hated talking about feelings, even more when he had to force them out of someone else, but he still asked “If it’s troubling you it’s not.”

He didn’t regret he asked. He had to train anyway, for when Max was going to be an angsty teen and he would have to force feelings out of him, too. Alec had already nightmares about that.

“It’s just... you have everything I want, and I could never have that. I want a family of my own, but I-”

“Jace, you  _ have  _ a fam-”

“It’s different! I have you, and Izzy, and Clary, even Robert and Maryse, but I want a family  _ of my own.  _ I want a family with Clary too,” he said, then bit his lips and looked away. “I sound like an asshole. It sounds like you’re not enough. Listen-”

“Tell her, then. It’s literally that easy. That girl  _ adores  _ you. She’ll be thrilled. Not now maybe, in the future, but tell her what you want. She wants you, it’s obvious, really.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

The corridors of the Academy were silent and empty, everyone was asleep. Outside the window they could see the tower that used to be leaning surrounded by the moonlight, now standing tall and still, undoubtedly one of Magnus’ interventions.

“Because I am fucked up. Valentine Morgensten raised me, and I _loved_ him. I learned all I know from him. I could never raise children, I would fuck them up just like I am fucked up, like he did to me. I don’t know how to do it differently. And now you look so happy, and comfortable, and you know what to do, and you look so sure about it and I am jealous. Here, I said it.”

“Jace…” Alec sighed, trying to find the words, and Jace looked like he was expecting something like  _ you always make everything about you, don’t you?  _ or  _ how could you be sad because I’m happy?  _ but what he said was much different. “You really are something else. Everything you said is just wrong. You are not fucked up, Maryse and Robert are the ones who raised you, _nobody_ knows how to raise their children right, and I am not confident at all, I am terrified.”

“Are you?”

“Like crazy. I have no idea what to do most of the time. And if you’re going to have children of your own you’re going to mess it up as well, but not because you’re broken and can’t be fixed. You don’t have to be afraid, you are going to be amazing just like you are at almost everything else.”

“Almost?” Jace asked, and finally a small smile cracked his lips.

“You draw stick figures, for starters. You’re useless at talking about feelings-”

“Says  _ you.” _

“You are shitty at origami…”

“Really? _Origami_? Is this all you’ve got?”

Alec smiled. “I’m only going soft on you because you’re in a bad mood.”

“Fuck you,” Jace said, but looked a lot britghter than when they had started the conversation.

“You’re not fucked up. You’re going to be great. You and Clary both are.”

“You don’t even like her that much.”

_ “Thy people shall be my people,”  _ Alec said with a shrug. “And I love Clary, she’s one of my best friends.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” said Alec, and in that moment a childish whine came all the way from their loft a few feet away. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back in resignation. “Oh, no. Already?”

“Ouch,” Jace commented, with a smirk.

“Still jealous?” Alec asked groaning, trying to get ready for his restless night.

“Much less now!”

“Asshole. Go to sleep, you who can.”

“I’m going now. Alec?” he asked, his voice shy like it rarely was.

“Yeah?”

They locked eyes.  _ I love you. Thanks. I’m sorry. I’m feeling better. I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m glad I’m here. Thank the angel I met you.  _ “Good night.”

“More like shitty night,” said Alec, with a half playful half annoyed grin. “Good night, and stop being silly.”

“Impossible.”

Max cried louder and Alec left. Jace glanced a last look at the window and went to look for his and Clary’s room. 

_ This is not tamed. It’s broken. _

He took in a sharp breath. 

_ Maybe a nickname. What would you think of Jace? _

Much better. 


End file.
